I can see it now. Three sleepy heads barrelling down the stairs in a variety of form – Gracie with her floppy curls, Harper with her crazy Einstein hair and Quinn pointing downstairs with a serious face about something to do with “da.”
Grandma pours the milk and Daddy sings made up songs that make them laugh. And then…they get to the big table where Mom makes them waffles and drinks coffee while she kisses Daddy goodbye and says “Tell Daddy “Love You!” as he walks out the door. She isn’t here in her glasses or big black sweater that should belong to Goodwill. I imagine they put their palms up and shrug their shoulders, turning their head like they do, insinuating - ”Where is she? Where is that Mommy lady?”
Enter the scene from Good Will Hunting where Ben Affleck approaches his buddy Matt Damon’s doorstep, like every groundhog day before, to pick him up and take him to work … only to find there is no Matt. Just a note. A note that says, “Sorry, I have to go see about a girl.“
The family will find my note at the big breakfast table, tear and wine stained, reading: “Sorry, babies, I love you more than you know, I’ll be back soon…but I had to go see about a blog.”
(Ok, I am dramatic. I know. At least I acknowledge it.)
I am going to this big city, this massive conference and this abyss of big fish to figure it all out. To learn, yes. To connect, yes. But to figure out where the GPS should be pointed…BIG yes. Maybe this blog is just for fun and I’ve discovered a life long passion I can share with others. Maybe it’s just a way to heal and feel connected to the outside world. Or maybe it’s something bigger. Just maybe?
To prepare for the weekend at Blogher’12 (my FIRST blogging conference if you haven’t noticed), I have been trying to come up with my “elevator speech.” My personal 20 second commercial on who I am, why I am unique and what my blog has to offer.
This has been no easy task. Let’s just say it’s been ugly. Have you ever written a commercial for your bad self ? (Yeah, not easy.) So, I tried to think, what would I tell another mama at the park when they cock their head to one side, half pushing their 2 year old and ask,”You blog?! How cool! What do you blog about?”
My blog is called justbreathemama. Mostly because I have lost so much control over the last four years that my only constant has been to just keep breathing. And…
I am a mother of triplets who spent a few years wanting a baby something awful. I started blogging and it helped.
Then I got pregnant with triplets and I kept blogging. And it made the days and nights possible.
Those triplets came home with me and sent me straight into a culture shock – a shock of everything new and all things crazy. I blogged more. It saved me.
And honestly, that is all I could come up with that felt genuine. Yes I could mention my Tuesday Taste posts where I talk about recipes or ideas on taking care of your soul. Or talk about my honest approach to laying it all out there as to illustrate the messy classroom of life I live in. And don’t forgot my knock your socks off guest posts that offer testimonies from mothers in the battlefield.
But actually, when I started to really think about it, this is what popped up in my head. Lyrics. Lyrics from WHITESNAKE. (yikes)
HERE I GO AGAIN ON MY OWN… GOING DOWN THE ONLY ROAD I’VE EVER KNOWN…
Tho’ I keep searching for an answer,
I never seem to find what I’m looking for
Oh Lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on,
‘Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams…
HERE I GO AGAIN…
Every time I hear this song, I think of my dear precious friend, Emily, and how she told me ,one day, that she was a really anxious child. At seven, she was full of fear, plagued by the simple idea of entering the hallways of elementary school. She said this song became her anthem. She would “kick” open the double doors, walk into that first grade hallway, JanSport backpack strapped on and sing this song to herself. She said this song made her believe she could get past her fears and make it through another day of 1st grade. (Oh Emily, this makes me smile.)
I thought, you know, when I write and learn from a hard day, a wonderful day or a day somewhere in the middle, those thoughts, when typed out and transformed from muck to clarity play like an anthem in my head. An anthem that says, it’s hard but you did it…it will be hard again, and you will do it again. I guess I host this blog so I can share my anthem. Because really, sometimes we all have a hard time walking into that hallway of starting another day. You know, the shock of motherhood is a lot like 1st grade – scary, alone, big and full of expectations of understanding a lot of things that you just don’t get. So, that’s it. That’s what my blog is. An anthem for mamas to say, Here WE go again. We are walking down the street of lonely dreams – but look – we are alone together.
Connected. Nourished. And accepting it all – the good, the bad and the sticky.
That’s it. That’s what I came up with. Your much desired input is welcome. Thanks for being here. You have no idea how much it means to me. Please follow along next week as I share a piece of NEW YORK CITY with you!
5 days and counting… (but who’s counting?)