I’m slowly but surely coming back from under my rock that kept me safe from Facebook, Twitter, and Internet overload. Don’t get me wrong, I obviously strongly believe in the connecting power behind the Internet and social media, but when you’re thinking about it every waking minute, it’s time for a reset.
As you know, I took last week off to unplug and get my physical space back in order.
Hmmm. I wish I had the report I had pictured in my mind for you. Clean, organized closets. Sippy cups stacked and orderly. Toys neatly binned and cleaned. Kids clothes stacked by season and size.
I bought a shoe organizer??
Sweet smiling and organized Megan from Best Nest even came over and gave me direction on what to do with the hot mess. And still, the mess lives on. (I will gladly share some of her tips with you this week. I DO plan to use them…BEFORE 2013, promises – promises.)
And my friends at Prime Car Wash…they keep saying – COME! Come get that swaggerwagon cleaned – we don’t judge how old that grime from an applesauce bag gone wrong on the side door is. And…oops, just haven’t made it over yet. TOMORROW. I am going tomorrow. *There’s always tomorrow*
So, I am faced with self judgement or acceptance of failing my beautiful plan.
Then I think about the bigger picture. We went to a wedding this weekend that took me back to five years ago this very week. The planning, the prep, the Magoo (our dog) puking all over the floor the day before all the wedding guests were coming in. The really bad manicure. The way Scott “forgot to not come home” the night before our wedding because he wasn’t supposed to SEE ME. The mess I’m sure that lived in our house and cars because all we cared about was that day. The day we walked down the aisle with 99.9% of everyone that ever mattered to us right there in the same room – as we were totally unaware they were there, but full of their warm, glowing presence.
Our wedding day. October 6, 2007.
The day we blindly vowed to the years to come. This week I celebrate the reality of our vows. The truth about the house we have made a home. And the story that we have made so messy that it is beautifully hot.
That’s what we are five years later…a picture I could have never pictured.
I’m pretty sure I didn’t picture still being in the same house…THREE kids later. I certainly didn’t picture those three kids coming to our family in one pop (and it was a POP). Nor did I know I would go through three jobs and be at home with our kids. Or that our mortgage would sound so big and scary with one less income, minus group health insurance, three kids later and a realtor hubby on the battlefield cleaning up after the economic dump (with a smile on his face). Probably didn’t picture all the colds our family unit has had these first few parenting years. I didn’t know how hard it would be to keep five people fed and clean and not whining (including me). For sure thought I would always feel sexy for hubby by attending the gym, with energy and clean hair, 5 days a week. Was convinced date nights would never end up in drooling on the couch at 8:30 pm over take out, a glass of wine you are too tired to drink and a movie on demand you will never see the end of. Probably didn’t see that dryer breaking with 9 loads of clothes and towels piling up either (Happy Anniversary to me)….
Maybe I haven’t failed? Maybe it’s just a reality that I couldn’t dream BIG enough for (or know that I could survive). Possibly I don’t have to choose between self judgement or acceptance? Maybe I just have to live and love the birth of our own, unplanned reality and breathe in every moment – even the hard, I’m sweaty and I may flip out and scream profanities in the grocery store moments.
For all that I didn’t see coming, I thank God for every imperfect, perfect piece of the picture – the better and the worse and the sickness and the health. All of it.
This week is dedicated to the original crew of a family – the husband and the wife. And the reality that is always better than the expectations…if we just let them be.