Stillness.

josie still

It has been a pivotal week around here.

An old dream resurfaced. Two hot and dark, like steamy morning coffee, yoga classes. Fresh air over 50 degrees and kids running at the park with snotty noses. A conversation with an old friend. An email from a true friend.  Teaching my son what telling the truth is, literally. Watching my girls dance to Frozen, with eyes wide and feet little. Sitting in that pale blue room, in that little rocking chair, at 4 am, letting her be the baby she is. Hitting an all time tired and letting go of logistics that just don’t matter. Admitting I am better when I have help. Accepting I am better when I have help. Knowing I will feel guilty again about needing help. Taking help anyway.  An arrival of my mom and dad to save the day. Scott’s instant support of a big hairy audacious brain child of mine. Eating an orange. Breathing. Seeing some light.

In…push thought away.

Out…push thought away.

In…push thought away.

Out…push thought away.

My breath came easily in the dark hot room. I had 20 other lights, moving in their own space, to carry me with their united heavy breathing. In the stillness, it’s all a little less heavy. United, I’m a little more strong. I often think about Steve Job’s last words when I am at yoga, “Oh Wow, Oh Wow, Oh Wow.”

Like something is being pulled away from your covered eyes.

Rise up this mornin’,
Smile with the risin’ sun,
Three little birds
Each by my doorstep
Singin’ sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin’, This is my message to you-ou-ou: “

Singin': “Don’t worry ’bout a thing,
‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right.”
Singin': “Don’t worry (don’t worry) ’bout a thing,
‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right!

I laid on my sticky and slippery yoga mat. Tears and salty sweat stung my eyes. I finally had time to cry. The only noise was a remake of Bob. These old familiar words floated in the background of the studio. Hello stillness, my old friend.

In my stillness, I know being a good mom doesn’t mean doing more. I know showing up to my husband doesn’t mean I always have my shit together. I know being true to myself sometimes means I will feel selfish. I know being a friend sometimes means admitting we aren’t the friends we used to be. I know being who God made me to be doesn’t require a whole lot. I know I will forget all of this over and over.

The truths come two by two when you are still. From my “Jesus Calling” today:

“The voices of the world are a cacophony of voices; challenge them with my Word. Learn to take minibreaks from the world, finding a place to be still in My Presence and listen to my voice.”

You guys, even Jesus is basically telling you to lighten up, go to yoga, go for a run, get a pedi or sit in the garage with the lights off so no one can find you.

This coming Thursday is the first day of Spring.

Spring (season) — according to Wikipedia:

Spring and “springtime” refer to the season, and also to ideas of rebirth, rejuvenation, renewal, resurrection, and regrowth.

Good answer, Wikipedia.

May you find your three birds this weekend. Even if for just 10 seconds. And remember to say “Oh Wow.”

Namaste…the light in me, sees the light in you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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